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Chapter IV – Marriage and Family

A Voice from the 21^st Century

By, Timothy Bowling

Chapter IV – Marriage and Family

- Natural Origins -

Thus far with limited exploration, the only planet found to have life on it is our own. With the sheer number of galaxies, stars and planets there are, it seems highly unlikely that this is the case. However rare or common it might be, life and biological entities are an amazing phenomena in the universe. Complex chains of molecules form cells that process bio-chemical reactions and manufacture proteins all within a self containing membrane order to protect it from everything outside of it. These cells, complete with molecular coding called DNA, are able to make exact copies of themselves given enough energy.

Life can be a single cell, or a colony of cells, or part of multi-cellular life wherein the cells specialize in function and live together mutually dependent to form an organism. This ability to replicate makes it different from molecules which are not in something living.

Replication at the most basic level will be exact unless there is damage to the DNA coding from environmental sources. When such damage occurs, the replicated cell becomes mutated and makes a variation of the original cell. In most cases this is not advantageous to life, but on rare occasions it can be neutral or even advantageous to the cell given its environment. Thus, life changes over time as successful cells replicate themselves.

In the multi-cellular organism the principle is the same, but more complex. Replication can involve mixing reproductive DNA and its genetic information from two similar organisms, producing a hybrid of two organisms. This is called sexual reproduction. If the organisms are too dissimilar they cannot reproduce in this fashion, and are therefore distinguished as separate species. There are cases where inter-species breeding is possible, but the offspring are sterile.

Changes in environment will determine which variations of genetic coding will be the most successful, especially when competing with life with overlapping requirements, or that have adapted to the requirement of other species to survive either as their food or in symbiosis.

With this background, the seeming purpose of a life form is to exist, and to make more of it that is like itself. Toward that end life must strive to survive above all. It must reproduce to replace itself since the time allotted to any life form is limited. They can die either through accident, disease, as prey or simply wearing out. It must also do all it can to ensure the survival of the offspring.

In more complicated animals, the offspring can be quite dependent on the parents for a long time. Man, as one of the most complicated species due to higher brain function can take nearly two decades to mature - and some would argue considerably longer than that for some individuals. Since the gestation period for a human is nine months, parents may have several immature offspring simultaneously at different stages of development that all must be cared for. This then is the cause of humanity forming family.

- The Extension of Family -

The effort required to watch so many young, feed them and keep them safe is too much for one individual. Cooperation had to be achieved from other individuals whose instinctual interest it was to maintain that gene pool. So parents of the parents and brothers and sisters of the parents would pull together to watch and protect each other’s offspring. As these families increased, genetically similar tribes were formed.

A nice side-effect of this basic need for survival was this cooperation also enabled humans to work together to accomplish some pretty amazing things. With many individuals, it allowed for specialization and division of labors so that more could be accomplished. The physically stronger males could hunt and provide food, allowing the females to develop agriculture, pottery and weaving all while instructing the next generation. With the older generations remaining with the tribe, wisdom and experience could be added to the mix. It was therefore advantageous to have as many children as possible to ensure the highest number of survival possible and for protection in old age.

Civilization is thus formed. Methods of doing tasks were forming culture while common aims were forming common belief, and consequently values. The need to live together in close quarters required laws and taboos to be created. Working together to build shelter and protection led to villages, and eventually cities and nations. Thus it can be said without fear of reasonable contradiction that civilization was formed from a need to protect offspring, with family at its core.

The instinct for the family’s continuance superceded even that of species. In areas where divergent gene pools co-existed of the same species, competition could arise over limited resources. In situations like this members of the same species would destroy each other to ensure survival, giving us the lamentable heritage of war. Mistrust of genetic variation became an important survival skill. Unfortunately, this is probably the basis for racial prejudice and has led to a lot of problems for a modern world where any individual can go to any spot on the planet in a relatively short time.

- The History of Family -

There is a lot of talk about family values these days. It has become one of those political banner cries emotionally responded to, but rarely understood. Family values vary from culture to culture, age to age and even between each family unit, so mention of family values is a tad nebulous. By examining the history of family we can, however, see what they had in common, what was different, what worked and what did not.

As previously mentioned, the primary reason for family was the instinctual need for life to protect the next generation and ensure continuance of the gene pool. If individuals are not producing young, their only other raison d’être would be the advantages that cooperation brings between individuals working together. Childless members of the extended family form an important role thereby in nurturing the young of relatives, enriching the next generation with their support. This can be done directly, or by supporting those who nurture the young.

As extended families formed, two main driving forces kept them from becoming too large in the beginning. The first was external, in that food and other resources could not handle too large a population in one small area, so families were forced to split. This had the result of making diverse but related tribes all coming from the same ancestors. The second was internal. Two individuals too similar genetically will bring about weak young, since similar weaknesses in each parent would be reinforced in their young’s DNA. This can lead to problems with disease resistance, mental retardation and birth defects.

- Marriage as Contract -

A diverse gene pool is healthier. So it was advantageous to exchange individuals with other tribes, even if they were only more distantly related. To ensure the safety of the individuals leaving for other tribes who were beloved, contracts or ritual was used to establish their position in their new environs as a mate to someone there. The social order required marriage. Peaceful exchange was not always the case, however. Wife capture was another method, which eventually became symbolic. The Roman myth of the rape of the Sabine women alludes to an example of this. Wives could also be bought with wealth or with indentured service to the intended bride’s family.

Establishing an implied relation by these proto-marriages also helped in establishing the parentage of offspring. This could become important in matters of inheritance, in maintaining which parents were directly responsible for the children, and to establish what position children held in the increasingly complex family tree.

Variations of this cross cultural boundaries. In some, the relationship of married people was monogamous, in others a male could have several mates usually based on his position and wealth. Other pressures could have influenced this – perhaps a limited number of males after a war, for example. There have been very rare examples of females having multiple mates, but this was not generally viewed as advantageous since the sire of offspring would never be firmly established. In examples we know of, the husbands were often closely related.

One common feature is that in monogamous cultures the women were generally treated better than they are in polygamous ones. We have the unfortunate outcome in some cultures of wives being objects of prestige and they were often viewed as property. In some cultures, parents to ensure a good husband would bring gifts to the family of the man she was marrying, which we call a dowry. This remained in practice even in western cultures until comparatively recently, and in some areas is still practiced. It became somewhat modified in the generation previous to the author’s by having the bride’s family pay for the wedding.

Strong taboo arose around marriage. It was for life to prevent the abandonment of older mates and maintain the family ties created. Laws of consanguinity were established to prevent incest and weaken family lines. With marriage came laws to protect against infidelity, and the concept of adultery, so that the sire of the child could be guaranteed. Divorce was a common enough feature, but became rarer in time until recently. In this author’s own lifetime memories of great social stigma being attached to a divorce were still firmly in place.

The ceremonies surrounding the marriages were sometimes elaborate and ritualized. Traditions even in the most religious and modern weddings often date back to pagan times, though they may have changed a little and are practiced only symbolically.

Marriage then has existed since before recorded history and is prevalent in nearly all cultures. It formalized the creation of new immediate families with elaborate social structure. Herodotus wrote of marriage customs in many societies, and except in a few special cases, marriage existed. The 19^th century view that primitive man was widely licentious is nonsense.

Viewed as sacrosanct it was closely tied to local religions. In Christianity, the two become viewed as one flesh, and what God has joined together, let no man tear asunder. In Orthodox Churches it became a Sacrament, and though Luther said it was not, Protestants continue to view it as holy. Marriage is until death, and in some cultist offshoots, even beyond death.

- Modern Pressures -

The institution has been under a great deal of change in the past half century or so. Its permanent nature is no longer taken as seriously as it once was in many western cultures. While they still swear an oath in front of their God, their families and their friends, the newly married couple have increasingly allowed men (and women) of the court to tear asunder at increasingly rapid rates, with all the disruptions to the nurturing of possible children that this would imply.

One of the reasons seems to be the sacramental nature, or mysticism of marriage is becoming increasingly ignored. It is often viewed merely as a legal contract and so marriage becomes little more than a civil union. In recent times many homosexuals have been demanding to have civil unions of their own under equal protection under the law. Without the religious basis of marriage, a secular (or more correctly religiously neutral) government would have a hard time arguing against it.

Those more traditionally minded have become fearful this will undermine the nature of marriage, and have worked to pass legislation to keep it monogamous and heterosexual. Rallying cries from both sides of the social divide have worked this issue into frenzy. The fear is very real.

It seems unlikely that an institution that has existed so ubiquitously since pre-historic times could be too threatened by the legislation of any government, especially if instituted by Divine purpose. It exists because there is a human survival need for its existence, and is ultimately the foundation of civilization. It can and does however mean changes to it for the length of the society modifying the rules, at least until another radical change comes about. For that reason, it becomes important to those living within it.

These proposed changes to marriage are only symptomatic of a greater social change that has already come about in our own time. Marriage was already rejecting its original purpose – the care and nurturing of the next generation. With a loss of the taboo of sex outside a marriage contract, the result has been many children born out of wedlock. With single mothers raising children on their own because of illegitimacy and fathers and mother single parenting because of more prevalent divorce rates, the traditional support system has been strained.

In fairness to both genders, the traditional lines of the division of labor have been abandoned. As more families now had two wage earners, prices have risen to reflect the increased income until now a family has little choice but to have both parents working. Since this means more tax revenue it was publicly lauded as a good change. The result has been parents unable to spend the time with the children they once did. Child rearing becomes institutionalized, whether daycare or public schools working in loco parentis, as relatives become fewer with smaller families and often far away geographically.

Most bizarrely, the instinct to protect the individual’s gene pool has become secondary to social considerations. Often mothers are killing their unborn fetus before giving birth. Once an aberration, the practice has become widespread and legal in 54 countries. Approximately 44 million of these abortions occur annually. In the United States, the number of pregnancy terminations is equal to roughly one third of live births. The matter has become emotionally charged and linked to women’s rights. With the fetus declared non-human all the protections from government against being killed are forfeit. The number of individuals lost this way is staggering giving whole new meaning to the phrase “lost generation”.

So with changing attitudes about its religious foundation, increasing divorce rates resulting in broken families, children produced outside of marriage and the killing of one’s own unborn, the purpose of family and of marriage has been changed at very fundamental levels. It cannot be surprising that there would come a day when a society would seek its redefinition.

- That Which Survives -

One can’t help but suspect in the grand scheme of history, this will all be just another anomaly of interest to the sociologists. As societies become more isolated from original survival requirements, greater leeway is possible. When and if those conditions change, a reversion to what has worked is inevitable.

This may also be a swing of the social pendulum. Indications suggest this may be the case as many younger couples are already electing to remain single income households so one parent can remain home with smaller children. The practice of home schooling is also a positive sign, since parents are increasingly taking a direct role in the education of their children instead of leaving it to institutions.

The family and marriage, in whatever form it has taken or will take over the millennia, has existed as a human requirement from the dawn of mankind, and will no doubt exist until its extinction. The world is bigger than this little place and little time.